用小模型动态学回放策略，大模型直接复用，防遗忘更高效。

Continual instruction tuning updates a language model through a sequence of new domains, yet each update can progressively erode previously learned capabilities and alignment behavior. Replay is the standard mitigation, but fixed replay ratios are inherently limited because the optimal mixture varies with the current domain, the training stage, and the evolving vulnerability of prior behaviors. We propose PROX-YMIX, a framework that learns a dynamic replay controller on a small proxy model and transfers the frozen controller to a larger target. The controller never observes future tasks and constructs its state from normalized validation losses and their temporal dynamics, producing a masked mixture over the current task and accessible replay buffers. Our core empirical hypothesis is forgetting mirroring: task vulnerability rankings remain largely consistent across model scales even when absolute loss magnitudes differ. We validate this assumption empirically before transferring controllers across scales. On LLaMA-3-8B across five continual instruction tuning sequences, PROXYMIX improves average accuracy by 3.4 points, reduces final forgetting by 3.5 points, and raises safety score by 5.8 points over the strongest non-oracle baseline, at roughly 50x lower policy learning cost than Oracle Target RL. The framework is leakage free and architecture independent at the interface level, and we also identify settings where the proxy assumption breaks down, highlighting limitations for robust deployment.